Do-Overs and High-Fives: I need a do-over for the Do-Overs

As you may or may not have noticed, my grand plan to post on Tuesdays and Fridays has about half worked.

My record for Tuesdays is pretty good.  Sometimes the post isn’t up until Wednesday, but generally speaking I’ve managed to get some kind of (hopefully interesting or informative) content up.

Fridays have been a bit of a crapshoot.  Some weeks I manage, some weeks not so much.  And I’m torn.  Because I love the idea of taking a moment at the end of the week to reflect on what went well, and what was hard.  Havi was my role model here, and I love the Friday Chicken.  I love seeing Havi’s week in review, but I also love that so many other people chime in as well.  I can tell it’s a useful ritual.

So WHY has it been such a struggle for me to post on Fridays?  The posts themselves aren’t really all that hard to write.  They aren’t research papers fercryingoutloud.  It really shouldn’t be that hard, I said to myself last week (after missing another Friday).

Hmmmm……

Should is a word that gets my attention whether I hear it from myself or a client.  It’s a cue to ask nosy questions, like “oh really?”  and “who says?” And what about that nasty tone of voice?  Maybe a warning signal that there’s maybe just a tiny bit of judgment or meanness happening.

So when I heard myself thinking these thoughts and hearing that tone I got curious.

And then I took a good look at my days.  It turns out that the end of the week is really loaded with what I call ‘fixed commitments.’  Stuff that doesn’t move around.  Towards the end of the week, I don’t really have many hours available for writing.

Ah…. So maybe this is why the Friday posts don’t happen easily.  There’s not really space for them.  It’s like I’m trying to pour 12 ounces of liquid into a 10 ounce container.  Something is always spilling out.

Warning: Philosophical reflection ahead

Kant is generally credited with articulating the notion that “ought implies can” which is to say that if someone is obligated to do something, then it must be the case that it is possible for them to do so.  This idea is easier to grasp if we invert it:  if it is impossible for someone to do something (like be two places at once, stop a speeding train, pour 12 ounces of liquid into a 10 ounce container, etc.) then it’s not the case that they ought to do so.

I had set up a situation for myself where I was obligated (by virtue of making a commitment) to do something that (under the circumstances) was impossible.

Interesting observation…  so what to do?

Back to practical matters…

As I see it now, here are my choices:

1. Keep my vision of posting on Fridays.
2. Cancel/reschedule one or more of the fixed commitments at the end of the week.
3. Change my posting schedule.

Option one looks like a recipe for continual stress.  Either I squeeze something in where it doesn’t really fit, or I don’t manage to post and feel like I’m failing to keep my commitments.  Whether or not anyone else notices or cares, if I’ve made a commitment, it feels icky not to keep it.  When I don’t manage to post on Friday, I’m stressed until I manage to get something up on Saturday or Sunday.

If it doesn’t happen over the weekend, by Monday, the urgency has dissipated because I’ve given up.  It’s time at that point to focus my attention on Tuesday’s post.

But the gremlins who live in my head are always keeping score.  And they’re back there saying, ‘Yup.  You blew it again.  You can never stick to your schedule can you?” and all kinds of other mean things.  And frankly, I’m tired of giving them this ammunition.  They seem not to have read Kant, or else they think I’m just making lame excuses!

In any event, I’m always cleaning up spills.

Option two is certainly possible, but not very appealing.  I’m actually pretty happy with all of these fixed commitments.  Some are work-related appointments, some are mental health things like my yoga class on Friday mornings.  I could give up yoga, and have on occasion when something really pressing comes up, but I don’t really want to.  I’ve made the choice several times to go to yoga rather than write the post for Friday, and I’m happy with those decisions.  If it comes down to it, I’ll continue to make the same one.

Which brings us to option three.  I really like the notion of recapping the week on Friday.  But it’s not working out quite like I’d imagined or hoped.  And I made up the schedule, so I’m empowered to change it.  When I remind myself that this is all a grand experiment and a constant work in progress, I can let go of the ‘shoulds’ and try something new.

So here’s my new posting schedule (subject to change without notice!):

I still like the idea of having a space to publicly declare my successes and opportunities for learning, so I’m not ditching the Do-Overs and High-Fives.

They will move to Mondays.

Wednesday will be the day to look for juicy content of some other sort.

And in keeping with my newly revived commitment not to commit to things that are impossible, these new commitments will begin in March.  I’m on vacation/retreat for most of the next two weeks, and will be largely and then completely unplugged until then.

I reserve the right to post something when/if I manage it, but not to feel guilty if I don’t!

So the official version of Do-Overs and High-Fives for this week is :

I need a Do-Over on my schedule for the Do-Overs.

High-five for figuring this out and not continuing to beat myself up for trying to do the impossible (or at least improbable!)

How about you?  Got anything you’d like to do-over from this week (or beyond)?  Any High-Fives?

Philosophical reflection: have you ever gotten yourself in a situation in which you were obligated to do the impossible?  What then?

Please play along in the comments!

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