Where Does Your Garden Grow?

It’s probably no surprise given the teleclass I’ve been working on, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how and where we plant the seeds of change in our lives.  So often it seems like we think of all the things that are ‘wrong’ with us.  Things we’d like to ‘improve.’   And although I’m not opposed to changing something if it’s not working for you,  it seems like we spend far too much time focusing on what we lack, what we don’t do well, the ways we’re not enough.

Today I thought I’d offer a little perspective shift courtesy of Barbara Sher.

Just in case you didn’t know, Barbara Sher is one of my very favorite self-helpy writers.  I fell in love with her after reading the title (just the title!) of her book

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What it Was.

Finally someone understood!

Since then I’ve acquired most of her other books.  Contrary to my approach with most books of this sort, I actually DO the exercises.  And I use them (sometimes in modified form) with clients and in classes.

I like them because of the way they turn my perspective on it’s head.

And best of all, they’re fun.

One of my very favorites comes from her book Wishcraft.

The question is:  In what imaginary environment would your best self emerge?

The idea here is to cast reality aside and imagine the people, places, things, support systems etc. that would allow you to be at your very best, doing the things you like to do most.

Here’s my favorite part of this whole thing:

“Let the environment do the work for you” means don’t change yourself in this fantasy.  Above all, don’t improve yourself.  Improve the world so that your characteristics stop being problems… If you’re disorganized, or you need a lot of love, or you’re shy, or you tend to procrastinate, don’t think of these things as “weaknesses” that need changing.  Think of them as design problems…

Holy paradigm-shift, Batman!

I have to say, I love doing this exercise and I love giving it to students in my classes.  We have a ton of fun coming up with all kinds of ingenious ways to address our various ‘design problems’ and what our lives look like in this ideal environment.

Here’s what I came up with thinking about this recently:

Liz’s Ideal Environment

To be my  very best self as a mom:

• My actual physical environment is pretty darn good as is.  I love where we live- close enough to the mountains to see and feel their beauty, but not so close that the weather is a pain.  Our house is just about the right size.  I’d add an office with a door that I could close, and perhaps an outside entrance so clients could come in without going through the whole house.   And while I’m wishing, I’ll put us up on a hill so we could see the mountains from every room.
• There would be a flock of pile-picker-uppers that would follow me around and pick up things as I drop them.  (I’m imagining a Disney-esque scene of birds happily swooping down to pick up my pjs after I drop them on the bathroom floor and tucking them neatly under my pillow and so forth.)
• The laundry fairies would take care of all the laundry.  (Full disclosure: currently this role is being played by my darling husband.  No wings, but he keeps us all in clean undies.  I love him for this!)
• We would have a family of very tidy helper mice who scurry to clear any forgotten dishes from the dinner table, and clear the crumbs from the floor.
• There would be an extremely efficient administrative assistant who would handle paper- all paper.  Bills, permission slips, insurance renewals, forms of all sorts would be her department.  She would also remind me of upcoming birthdays, special events etc.  I don’t think I’d want her to do the shopping for cards or gifts (although she would if I asked!)  Every now and then she would hand me a pile of things to sign and get them to where they needed to be well before birthdays were over, deadlines missed or payments late.  She files things.  And can find them again.  (I can do one or the other, but not both!)
• Rosie (from the Jetsons) would take care of the hard core cleaning.
• I enjoy food shopping and meal prep most of the time, but I would have a messenger-boy to dash to the store when I realize I’m missing something.
• Some very playful, sweet, puppy-ish creature would be responsible for herding my son through the morning and evening routine so I don’t have to be the drill-sergeant.

In this environment, I spend more time with my son and husband without feeling like there’s always something I’m supposed to be doing.  I’m able to just hang out with my son while he does legos or builds a contraption with duct tape and cardboard.  These are the times he talks about what’s hard at school or what’s going on with his friends.  I give him my full attention much more of the time.  I’m a nicer mommy because I’m not quite so stressed out over the little things (that become a problem if they aren’t handled!).  My husband and I aren’t grumbling at each other about household chores and instead of spending the weekends cleaning, we go hiking or skiing or to a museum or something.

To be my very best self in my work:

• In addition to my office at home, I’d like to have a place where I could go to find other people who were interested in what I’m doing and willing to talk, share, give feedback, be guinea pigs, etc.  (A lot like the Kitchen Table- but live and in person!)
• There would be nice open areas with whiteboards and sofas.
• A classroom always available for me to teach classes or do workshops.
• Good coffee and tea.
• And snacks!
• The people in that space would be honest, but very gentle.  Constructive in their comments, and genuinely eager to see me succeed.   And I could help them do their thing too.
• A dream-team of advisors, consultants and coaches at my disposal.  Havi, Charlie, and Naomi would be there for sure!
• Somewhere in there would be a Dave Navarro type to kick my ass when I needed it.
• I’d have Patti Digh on speed dial as well.
• Another (or perhaps the same) administrative assistant to keep track of the paper and logistical stuff for the biz end of things.  She would make sure things were in place for all my classes, workshops, etc.  And that I had everything I needed.  Needless to say, she would handle all billing, expense reports, taxes, and so forth.  Competently and with integrity.
• Tech support!  I’m imagining some friendly robot/droid type thing to do computer-y stuff.  The kind that does what I want it to do (not necessarily what I tell it to do!)  Or (only if I wanted!) tell me how to do it in a way that didn’t make me feel stupid.
• Someone at my beck and call to pretty up my documents, workbooks, brochures, flyers, etc.
• And 1000 true fans.  And I don’t mean paying clients (though those are great too!).  This is all the moms who read the blog, leave comments and tell their friends.  It’s all those who love what I have to offer and use it to make their lives bigger and better than ever.  Women whose very existence inspires me to think, write, learn, teach, laugh and cry.

In this kind of environment, I  spend my days creating awesome things- courses, workshops, books, etc. to make the lives of moms better.   I have enthusiastic people to work with and I get to do the things I’m good at and  like to do, and I don’t have to do the things that are hard for me or make me crazy.  But even more than that, I know that I’m always doing my very best work and I don’t have to worry that I’m letting my unique set of talents, skills, education, experience and whatever else I have to offer the world go unexpressed.  I feel such immense satisfaction and gratitude because by touching the lives of moms, I’m helping to make the world a better place through all the lives each of these women affects.

See how much fun that is?

Re-framing ‘weaknesses’ and identifying strengths is a key part of what we’ll be doing in the Planting the Seeds of Change teleclass next week.  You can read all about it and register here.

You can play along even before the teleclass happens.

Tell us what your ideal environment would look like.  What happens when you shift ‘weaknesses’ into design challenges?  What would you include to make things exactly right for you just as you are?  (There are plenty of laundry fairies to go around!)  And perhaps most importantly, what will that environment be supporting you to do?

Please share in the comments!

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